


Doubt Comes In

by the_final_pam



Category: The End Of The Fucking World (TV)
Genre: Alyssa is very stubborn, F/M, James is actually there for a second, No Dialogue, Set before season 2 and in the 1st episode on season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26723221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_final_pam/pseuds/the_final_pam
Summary: She doesn’t miss him, not really.(or: yes she does)
Relationships: Alyssa & James (The End of the Fucking World), Alyssa/James (The End of the Fucking World)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Doubt Comes In

**Author's Note:**

> Title from a Hadestown song

She doesn’t miss him, not really.

Thinking about him does not equal missing him.

Her thoughts weren’t ‘ _oh i hope he comes back or_ _‘I hope he misses me”._

Rather they were,  _ ‘oh, remember James? You should think about all the things you forgot about him'  _ and  _ ‘he’s never coming back, y’know’ _

Alyssa thinks she would rather miss him. 

She wouldn’t know what it would be like though. It could be so much worse than the part of her that wishes she learned more about him. She wishes she learned more about him so these thoughts wouldn’t bombard her. Every. Fucking. Day.

She wonders if missing him would be better than knowing she’s an awful person for not missing him.

Alyssa knows he misses her.

She’s slowly found a way to be ok with that fact. If she can get over whatever she-really-doesn’t-miss-him bullshit then he can get over her.

It can’t be that hard, her mom got bored of her the second she got back home.

She’s easily forgettable. 

James, on the other hand, is not. 

There were ok times, the memories are what she misses, not the person she shared them with.

She could easily just run away with some other stone faced guy and it would have the exact same impact on her. 

James isn’t special, what they did together was special. 

It’s different.

It's different because if James  _ were _ special then she would miss him.

Which she doesn’t. 

* * *

James is here.

In front of her.

After two years.

The guy who she doesn’t miss is in some shit car and just staring at her.

The second, the fucking  _ second  _ she meets his eyes she realizes. 

She does miss him.

She always missed him.

And now that she knows. 

Knows what it feels like to miss him. She feels her heart drop.

Her theory was so _ wrong. _

Not missing him is bad.

Missing him is worse.

Having him here makes her confused in the most painful way.

She feels a bit of wind fly by them.

Time is moving at the pace it always was. The air isn’t any thicker than it was before. Her heart is beating at the same pace it always has.

Everything feels normal.

_ It’s agonizing.  _

  
  



End file.
